bitter/sweet.

perhaps it's the yin/yang of life... the inevitable ups and downs that happen... it's the "rollercoaster" that some describe... whatever it is, i'm not really a fan.

maybe it's spring, and the awful birthday day that it brought with it, or all the more-awful rain that has been on repeat for the last month or so. 

or maybe, it's the ebb and flow of special needs that i have described before.  i feel like sometimes dealing with our special needs gets to be overwhelming.  and... with me being the mom... the worrying that goes along with my job gets to be overwhelming, as well.  not to say that we haven't had some ups with our downs, but it just seems lately to be a little harder to bounce right back to happy. 

for instance, i felt the other day like quitting everything.  so i did... and am in the process.  there are times when i feel like i hit a wall, and these past weeks have been no exception.  we've done some more medical appointments for meg... the developmental peditrician, the nutritionist, feeding therapy, and some blood drawn for genetics testing.  if ever there is a rollercoaster to life, those appointment days are definitely it.  i've been jetting meg to-and-fro for all these appointments, and am exhausted by them. 

hmmm.  maybe i should discuss progress, since that is a bright and cheery subject.  although it's been s.l.o.w., it's been there.  and for that, i am grateful.  we've been seeing the feeding team at ccf, and have been seeing some good results.  this past appointment, she tolerated some oral exercises and she ate an ounce of mac and cheese that was cut up into small bites.  whenever we're there, i soak up all their information like i'm a sponge.  i have been doing some of the oral exercises here with her at home, in the hopes of decreasing the sensitivities in her mouth.  she has become a real fan of gum massage in the past few days.  i also wanted to shout "HALLELUJAH!!" after she ate the ounce of macaroni.  it felt like victory!

let's see... we've been tweaking her diet a little, moving her towards the same foods that we eat, and not so much baby food.  she's been eating some great textures from gerber graduates.  we've also been upgrading some of the flavors that she's been so used to, and she is becoming quite the pasta fan.  yesterday, she ate a graduates container of pasta stars, carrots, peas and corn.  just a few weeks ago, we got about three bites into that same container and had to quit, so that is progress.  see?  it's there.  it just bothers me that sometimes i have to dig back in my brain to find it. 

---

the school year is coming to a close, and quickly.  danny is almost done with his second year of preschool, and i can hardly believe it.  in four months, i will have a full-fledged kindergartener.  homework and writing assignments and beginning reading.  i am so excited to see who he becomes each day, and am so excited to see what adventures lay ahead for him in his first year of school.  i've already been looking for uniform items... navy pants and white polos.  he is going to be so handsome!

---

i can't remember if i said it on here or not, but we struggled getting danny to go to indoor soccer in january.  he hated going, and we hated dragging him there.  we even had to bribe him to go... panera's pumpkin muffies were required after each soccer lesson. 

we were hoping that with the weather getting nicer (that was supposed to happen, right?), and being able to have the wooster-renowned coach teaching him, that he'd like it better.  a few months ago, i signed him up for two weeks of soccer and two weeks of t-ball.  as if wanting to realize my worst fears, he immediately started pitching a fit when we told him that soccer was coming up.  and t-ball.  "i only want to take one lesson, and it will be soccer!" or "i only want to play soccer with daddy in the backyard!" 

lo and behold, soccer time rolls around and he loves it.  actually requests it!  it helps that his best friend from school is in the same class, and that we are out there playing with him, and that he scored two goals each time they played as teams... but even just to hear him ask when the lesson is, and that he can't wait to go... well, it just warms my heart.  hallelujah to the wooster-renowned coach.  and thanks for bringing back the love for the sport that he was lacking a few weeks ago!

---

end of school = teacher gifts.  and i am stumped.  meg's last day is thursday, and danny's last day is next friday.  what are you getting your kid's teachers?  what says "thank you" for all the great things that teachers do, without being something that they immediately want to throw in the trash or add to the already too-big heap of teacher-gift crap?  maybe a gift card is the way to go.  if it was me, all the kids could pitch in for a starbucks card.  hmm... i might have to do a little digging this week...

---

operation playroom is in full swing.  two weekends ago, miguel and my dad took down a wall in our basement to join a bedroom to our existing play area in the basement.  so far, i love the change and everything is still covered in drywall dust!  i gathered a bunch of ideas for playrooms online, and decided that my two new must-haves for the room are a stage and a ballet bar with a mirror.  i have visions in my head about how great it will look when it's completed.  we'll have an art area with a drying line on the wall for painted pictures, and more space for the kitchen and train table.  the easel will be on the wooded portion of the floor and we'll have some cozy carpet areas to play games and solve puzzles and snuggle up on.  i also have a vision of an anywhere couch from pottery barn kids down there, as well, but haven't spilled the beans on that portion yet.  the couch or some bean bags... either way.

and i put together a bunch of frames this weekend of the kids pictures... all the milestone ones that we've had done over the years.  i want to spray paint some the frames to add some color to the space.  right now, everything is white and while that's a great canvas for dreaming, it also needs to be a little more lively.  i'm thinking either a primary palette or maybe an aqua/pink/green palette.  we'll see.  whatever route we take, it has to be done in baby steps.  with an anywhere couch to match.

---

so there you have it.  some of the things that i've been working on.  i have a summer-celebratory brunch coming up, which i am hoping comes with good weather.  it's planned for june, so i'm hoping that the rain will clear up here in the next week so that we can get some good outside days in after school lets out.  i want to host more playdates and meals this summer.  the ones that i hosted last summer were really fun, and thinking about them right now makes me pine for them.  one upgrade i'm working on for this summer is a double or triple slip and slide.  last year's single slide was broken, which created the perfect opportunity for a new slide.  i loved the ones with pools of water at the end, and now they have some great slides that are wide.  if i can't have a pool, then surely i can have a tricked-out slip and slide.  right?  that's a good compromise, right?

in my head, i'm all snow cones and water tables and sandboxes and slip and slides and lazy hazy days in the backyard.  even some great evenings taking pictures of the kids playing.  thus far, none of it.  come on, sun.  we NEED you.

---

one last idea.  i've been wanting to get better at taking pictures, and have been trying to think of a way to do it.  i don't feel bad about asking friends to volunteer their kids as models, i just can't take money from them, in case my photo shooting skills suck.  so i thought that it might be fun to try a little venture called "friendly expressions", where i take pictures of people (and/or their kids) for free in order to get experience.  i love toting the camera around with me and getting great and unexpected shots of kids.  letting them be who they are while they are playing or doing something that they enjoy.  i'd love to get experience, and be able to share something great in return.  it's just an idea i had... in the beginning stages of forming, but i thought that it was a fun one.  and who doesn't love pictures of their kids? 

---

my one last idea is more of a crazy one.  i hosted a 31 party a few weeks ago, and then attended another one last week.  and haven't been able to put a lid on how excited i am about the bags.  i'd love to sell 31.  i know, crazy, right?  but honestly, i haven't been able to stop thinking about the picnic thermal tote.  and if i can't stop thinking about it, then other people must feel this way about it, too, right?  plus, it's just an awesome product.  i want someone i know and love to sell it, and i will help support them! :)

---

okay.  i think that's it.  no more crazy ideas.  i have a playroom to finish and plenty of therapy appointments to be going to.  but a gal needs something fun in her life, right?  maybe that's what the playroom is for... :)  wouldn't it be totally cute decked out as a photography studio with a bunch of momogrammed bags?  maybe i'm on to something here....